


A Night of Regrets

by finefeatheredfriend



Category: Castle (TV 2009)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, First Time, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 15:35:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21200006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finefeatheredfriend/pseuds/finefeatheredfriend
Summary: At Kevin's impromptu bachelor's party, Javier finds himself drunk and jealous that Kevin is marrying Jenny. Javier makes his move, admits his feelings and is surprised by the outcome.Set during/after "Heartbreak Hotel," Season 4, Episode 8.





	A Night of Regrets

It was hot. Swelteringly, miserably hot, but the music was loud, the drinks were cold and the lean, toned bodies gyrating in the strobing lights of the club were exactly what Javier needed to get his mind off why they were here in the first place. Kevin bumped awkwardly into him, stumbling and spilling beer down Javier’s sleeve.

“Bro!”

“Hey, sorry, just trying to get to the bathroom. Can you watch my drink?” Javier just stared at him, pausing for a moment in his movements against the fine young lady that had been grinding enthusiastically against him. The cessation of movement caused her to lose interest and she moved on. Javier rolled his eyes and looked over at the sweet, innocent face of Kevin, who at least had the sense to look apologetic, as he generally did when some social faux pas or other was committed.

“For that,” Javier told him, jaw tight, “you gotta chug it before you go to the bathroom, bro. Party rules.” Kevin looked at him miserably, but complied, shoving past him to get to the restroom after handing Javier his empty glass. Suddenly tired and thirsty, Javier made his way off the dance floor, moving gracefully through writhing bodies and grasping limbs, winking at a few of the prettier faces as he moved toward the booth where he saw Richard, surrounded by women.

“Pour yourself a drink, Espo,” Richard encouraged, and Javier did so, tipping the pitcher until the cool, honey brown liquid almost overflowed the pilsner glass he had taken from Kevin. He put his lips over the place where Kevin’s had been and chugged the cold beer, wiping foam from his mouth and searching out across the dance floor. He snorted when he saw Kevin exiting the bathroom, wiping his hands on his pants with a look of disgust evident on his high-cheeked features. Pouring himself another beer, he grabbed a new glass for Kevin and poured him one as well. As soon as Kevin reached the table, Javier shoved the beer into his hand.

“Ugh, I gotta take a break for a minute,” Kevin protested, but Javier was insistent.

“Bro, it’s your bachelor party,” Javier pointed out, heart aching and brow furrowing a bit when he said so, “_drink_.” Kevin gave him one of those heart-melting smiles that made Javier want to either punch him or kiss him, and took the beer, sipping daintily at it to make Javier happy. Huffing a sigh, Javier took a deep gulp of his own drink, forcing himself to turn away from Kevin and chat with one of the women who had gathered around Richard Castle.

The night proceeded quite as one might expect when two experienced lotharios throw their relatively naïve, Catholic-raised friend an impromptu bachelor’s party. Clubbing turned to gambling, gambling turned back to clubbing, clubbing turned to shots, and shots turned to a drunken, clumsy foray into a nearby strip club.

Kevin sat bewildered, wide-eyed and awkward as a lovely blonde hovered over his lap, running slender hands over his collar, down his sweater vest and suggestively brushed his crotch before moving back up to his shoulders. Javier laughed at his friend’s obvious discomfort, knowing Kevin was running through his mind what his fiancée Jenny might think if she were to see this.

“It’s customary to tip your dancer, man,” Javier teased, throwing a wad of one dollar bills at Kevin, who caught them and smiled winningly up at the dancer, handing the money to her instead of pushing the bills into her top as she had been offering by pulling it partly down and bending deeply over him to give him an unobstructed view of her chest. She laughed, but took the money and waved coquettishly at him as she moved on to other patrons.

“I gotta get some air,” Kevin winced, standing and wiping sweat from his forehead. Javier swallowed at the movement, his chest compressing again with that odd feeling, some blend of jealousy and rage when he thought about why they were here. Kevin tripped over nothing, righted himself and shook his head to try to clear some of the drunken haze that had overwhelmed him. He was Irish, no question, and he could hold his own against the best, but both Javier and Richard had shoved more drinks toward him than they had taken themselves and he was clearly approaching at least two sheets to the wind, though it didn’t appear he was quite to three.

“I’ll come with you, bro,” Javier offered, following Kevin out of the darkness of the strip club and into the cool night. Their breath fogged out of them in great clouds of mist that made them look like they had each swallowed a fire. Kevin flapped his jacket to cool himself off, sighing as cold air hit his chest. The heady smell of him was almost more than Javier could bear. He smelled like coffee, and citrusy, almost feminine cologne, and musky sweat, and wool. He smelled like Kevin…he smelled like home.

It was at that moment, that Javier realized he was drunk. He had been fighting the woozy, cotton-stuffed head feeling of the alcohol flowing through his veins, but here he was, breathing in cold air in an alley lit by a flickering streetlamp, standing next to his friend, who was looking at him with eyes that were too blue and Javier felt himself melt. He took an unsteady step toward Kevin, put a hand on his shoulder and Kevin tipped his face up, expression open and earnest. In an instant, the warm, affectionate feeling in Javier’s chest turned to icy fury. His hand’s casual placement on Kevin’s shoulder tightened to a vice grip and he saw his friend’s face flicker with pain.

“Javi–”

“Why are you doin’ this to me, man? Why are you leavin’ me like this?” Javier whispered, pushing Kevin backwards until he was pressed to the brick wall. Kevin had his hands out to his sides, eternally awkward.

“Javier, what –” Javier shifted his grip from Kevin’s shoulder to the front of his shirt, hand fisting around cotton shirt and wool sweater vest, tugging upwards violently and shaking Kevin. “Hey!” Kevin protested, “Jenny just bought me this vest!” Growling, Javier released him, turning his back on Kevin and running a hand over the back of his head.

“Jenny. Of course,” he ground out.

“Javi–” With a snarl, Javier turned, landing a blow hard into Kevin’s belly, forcing a choked “oof!” out of him. Angry now too, Kevin gave as good as he got, brows furrowing and he slammed a fist into Javier’s cheek. The two were wordless, all flying fists and scrabbling hands, beating one another until one of Javier’s blows connected with Kevin’s jaw and he let out a piteous sound, holding his face for a moment with a bloodied hand. Javier stopped, breathing hard, tasting blood on his lips. Kevin was frowning up at him, looking deeply hurt and once again, Javier grabbed his shirtfront, leaning in close. Kevin didn’t pull away. “Javi…I love her,” Kevin told him, his tone almost apologetic.

“I know, bro,” Javier said softly, leaning his forehead against Kevin’s. Their faces were mere inches apart and Javier was staring longingly at Kevin’s thin lips. He swallowed, and went for it, using his grip on Kevin’s clothes to pull him closer. His lips pressed against Kevin’s and he forced his eyes closed, not wanting to see the look of disgust on his partner’s face, not wanting to see the confusion and shock he knew would be there. Kevin knew Javier was bisexual, but aside from occasionally teasing him about it when he would look appreciatively at another guy, they had never talked about it. Javier waited for the inevitable tug away from him, waited for the inevitable sound of protest, waited for their friendship to implode because he just couldn’t stand another moment not pressing his lips to Kevin’s…but Kevin didn’t pull away.

Instead, the shorter man made a little moaning sound in his throat and leaned into the kiss, lips moving softly against Javier’s in a way that drew a sound of lust from his throat. Growling into the kiss, Javier ran his hand up into Kevin’s hair and _oh Christ_, it was just as soft as he had imagined it would be, like fine strands of golden brown silk in his rough fingers. He pushed Kevin back against the alley wall again, pressing his leg insistently between Kevin’s and raising a brow at the feeling of hardness beginning to form in Kevin’s pants. Kevin moaned again, hands running over Javier’s chest, down his sides, back up to cup his face as he lapped his tongue between Javier’s lips in a shy motion that mingled the taste of their blood from Javier’s cut lip and the inside of Kevin’s sliced cheek. Kevin ground against Javier’s leg and for a moment, Javier thought he must have died, because surely this was what heaven felt like, Kevin’s lean body pressed to his, lips soft against his own, hands wandering over his body and then–

The door to the club opened and the moment was shattered like glass.

It was no one they knew, just some guy stepping outside to smoke, but nonetheless, Javier leapt back from Kevin as though he had been stung, wiping his mouth hard against his sleeve. Kevin stared up at him, face flushed red, pupils dilated, lips bright with bruising from the kiss, breathing hard. There was a welt beginning to raise on his cheek where Javier had punched him.

“Why’d you stop?” Kevin whispered breathily. Javier glanced significantly to the man who was smoking and browsing something on his phone. Kevin nodded, sucking in his cheeks as he thought for a moment. He turned back to Javier. “Let’s get out of here,” he murmured, putting a hand on Javier’s upper arm. Javier frowned.

“You serious?”

“Before I change my mind,” Kevin half-begged. That was the only call to action Javier needed. He hailed a cab and they got out at the hotel where they had started, where Javier had booked a room at the beginning of the night, double queens. He tried hard to push away the joke that came to mind at that as he and Kevin stepped into the room. As soon as the door was shut, Kevin approached him timidly. Javier bent so they could kiss again, and the press of Kevin’s lips to his felt like going home.

“Are you sure?” Javier asked him, his heart screaming at him for asking, for doubting, for giving Kevin the chance to remember that he was spoken for, that he could not be with Javier because he was with Jenny.

“I have to know,” Kevin said. Javier frowned a little, unsure what that meant, but he stepped forward anyway, pushing Kevin’s jacket off his shoulders. It dropped to the floor and Kevin started to bend to pick it up, but Javier halted the movement, grabbing the bottom of Kevin’s sweater vest and pulling it up and over his head. Kevin’s hair stuck out wildly and he smiled at Javier. It was all the provocation Javier needed to come close again, unbuttoning Kevin’s shirt, slotting their lips together. He knew this could end at any moment, that a call from Castle or Beckett or, heaven forbid, Jenny, would end all of this, but he didn’t want to rush. He forced himself to calm, but his movements were still urgent, desperate. They stripped one another and Javier pushed Kevin to one of the beds, climbing atop him and grinding himself against Kevin, who shuddered and moaned beneath him. In one fluid movement, Javier swallowed Kevin down, lips tight against Kevin’s cock.

Grabbing at the sheets, Kevin thrusted up into Javier’s mouth and throat, mouth open, panting, making small keening noises as Javier explored with his tongue, and then his fingers. He wet one of them and pressed it gently to Kevin’s hole, swirling it gently against the sensitive flesh. Kevin groaned, biting one of his knuckles and then gasping as Javier gently pressed his finger inside of him.

“Oh sssshhhhit!” Kevin hissed out as his warmth engulfed Javier’s seeking finger. Movements professional, Javier stroked the firm spot he knew would make even a righteous man call out for a different god. “Javi!” Kevin cried and Javier smiled around a mouthful of cock before sliding off with a distinct popping sound, a string of saliva connecting his lips to Kevin’s cock for a moment.

“You like that?” Javier purred, finger stroking against Kevin’s prostate again, gentle, but persistent. Kevin was writhing on the bed, pink lips still open in gasping desperation.

“I – please, I, oh God, Javi, please,” Kevin was blithering, all stumbled words and moans as he fell apart beneath Javier’s ministrations. Javier had wanted this so long, he wasn’t willing to rush it, wanted to savor every moment, wanted to memorize the vulnerable, desperate face that Kevin was making, wanted to imprint on his mind the way Kevin’s brow arched, the way the lines of his thin face contorted as he cried out with pleasure at Javier’s touch. Javier wanted to remember this, in case it never happened again. Pulling gently out of Kevin, who protested with a huffed moan, Javier covered his partner’s body with his, kissing him roughly, biting, marking him, giving no thought to the consequences. Tonight, Kevin was _his_. He bit and sucked his way down Kevin’s throat, leaving marks in the shape of his teeth and his lips. Kevin gave as good as he got, suckling at the thin skin at Javier’s collarbone, punching a half-growl, half-moan out of him.

Sliding a condom on, Javier fisted his hand into Kevin’s hair, pulling him close, bumping their foreheads together so quickly they both winced at the crack.

“I want to be inside you,” Javier murmured, needing consent. Kevin met his eyes with crystal blue ones, soft and aching and eager. He nodded, so Javier pushed him on his side, lying behind him and gently pressing in, adding lube that he was thankful he had thought to pack. The quiet “uumph” that spilled from Kevin’s mouth as Javier filled him was the single most arousing sound he had ever heard. He took a shuddering breath as he allowed the revelation that he was inside of his friend to fill him. Pausing for a moment, Javier bit his lip. He was determined not to be proven a two-pump chump, but Christ, Kevin was so warm, and tight, and more than anything he was _Kevin_ and Javier just… “Oh God,” he whimpered, pulling Kevin’s back close against his chest, sighing when Kevin grabbed his hand and pushed back against him willingly.

“Javi,” Kevin begged, hips canting, wincing at the unmoving fullness of Javier’s cock inside of him. Obliging, Javier began to move, slowly at first, pulling out and then pressing in, the head of his dick rubbing that spot inside of Kevin that made him gasp. Kevin’s cock was weeping precum and the smaller man ran his hand over himself until Javier batted it away, replacing it with his own firm grip, pumping Kevin in time to his own movements in and out of his partner.

“Is this okay?” Javier asked when Kevin grew quiet.

“Yeah, just…”

_Don’t say it, please don’t say it,_ Javier begged in his mind. _Please don’t tell me you’re guilty, please don’t remind me that you’re marrying Jenny. Please._

“Please,” Javier whispered in Kevin’s ear, cursing internally when he realized he had said the word out loud. Kevin glanced at him over his shoulder, eyes soft. Javier stretched to kiss his cheek, gripping his shoulders and continuing to press in and out until Kevin grunted at one particularly enthusiastic stroke. Whatever he had been about to say was forgotten, or delayed.

When, at last, Kevin spilled himself over Javier’s hand, Javier followed close behind, body arching hard against Kevin’s, every nerve from his toes to his scalp tingling with mingled pleasure and adoration. When his orgasm overtook him, Javier embraced Kevin from behind, pulling him as close as he possibly could. Amidst the warmth, and pleasure, and behind a haze of alcohol, Javier could not stop the words from pouring out of him. From the way Kevin froze beneath him once they were said, he wished he could undo all of it, wished none of this had happened, regretted their fight and then their kiss in the alley, regretted all of this.

“I love you,” he had admitted as he came, lips next to Kevin’s ear, his heart pounding in his chest. A lump formed in his throat at the unsure look on Kevin’s face. Pain suffused him and all pleasure achieved was gone, empty, meaningless at Kevin’s silence. Javier slid out of Kevin and pulled away, sitting up on the edge of the bed and putting his face in his hands.

Giving a little pained groan from their vigorous activity, Kevin sat up too, putting a hand on Javier’s shoulder that was immediately shrugged off.

“Javi–” Again, Javier cut him off.

“Don’t, bro. Just don’t.”

“_Javier_,” Kevin snapped, tone firm and irritated. Javier turned pained brown eyes on his partner. “I –” He opened and closed his mouth, searching for the words. “I love Jenny.” Javier closed his eyes, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat. He nodded, clenching his jaw hard and standing, grabbing fresh underwear from his bag and tugging them on after wiping himself off with a washcloth. “Are you gonna let me finish?” Kevin asked softly from where he still sat at the edge of the bed they had made love on. Javier looked at him miserably, shrugged. “I love Jenny, but I love you too. I can’t…I can’t be with both of you. I want her. And I want you. I don’t know. I…I want to start a family.”

“We can be a family, Kevin. Us. Just us,” Javier blurted, regretting it immediately. This was just a night full of regrets, wasn’t it? He sighed, scratching the top of his head and turning away from his partner.

“Don’t make me choose,” Kevin begged. Javier glared.

“You already did, bro. You asked her to marry you.”

“And then I let you fuck me, so where does that leave us?” Kevin asked, his tone angry, conflicted. Javier’s breath caught in his throat, and he frowned.

“I don’t know what you thought this was, but I didn’t just fuck you,” he whispered, voice breaking. “I…I made…” He cleared his throat, let the sentence trail off, collecting himself, too stubborn to show any strong emotion that wasn’t just anger. Kevin’s face was torn, his expression one of misery and frustration. “Are you gonna tell Jenny?” Javier asked.

“I don’t know,” Kevin whispered, meeting his eyes beneath brows furrowed by guilt, running a hand over marks that would probably still be visible in the morning. “She–” He stopped himself. “She knows. How you feel.” Javier was genuinely taken aback. He sat heavily on the other bed, facing Kevin.

“How?” Javier demanded. Until a few hours ago, he didn’t even know that Kevin knew how he felt, so how could Jenny possibly know? Kevin avoided his gaze. “How does she know, Kev?” he whispered. Kevin finally looked up, meeting his eyes again.

“Because I admitted to her how _I_ felt. About you.” Again taken off guard, Javier wiped a hand over his face.

“I need another drink,” he muttered.

“That’s the last thing either of us needs,” Kevin pointed out. Javier glared at him.

“Don’t lecture me, bro.”

“Sorry.” They sat in uncomfortable silence for several minutes, just existing in the same space. Javier noticed that Kevin was shaking in the cold of the room, trembling where he sat.

“And how,” Javier cleared his throat again, working up the nerve to ask the question that finally spilled out of him, “how _do_ you feel? About me?”

“You’re my partner,” Kevin said simply. Javier nodded, knowing the connotation, knowing the depths of their relationship.

“What did Jenny say?”

“She was upset…at first. But said she understood. Wanted to know if I still loved her, wanted to know if I still wanted to get married.” Javier scoffed at that. “Javi, please don’t make me choose.”

“I can’t share you, bro,” Javier told him. Kevin nodded, scratching at his brow with a finger, pursing his lips for a moment.

“Can I choose you for tonight?” Kevin asked, voice small.

“What?” Javier asked, frowning. Kevin patted the mattress he was sitting on. After a moment’s hesitation, Javier joined him on the bed. The two laid beneath the covers, pulled close. Kevin turned the bedside lamp off and they laid in the darkness together. Javier waited until Kevin’s breathing grew quiet and deep before he got up and moved to the other bed, heart aching.

When Javier awoke, Kevin was gone. He had left a note on the bedside table.

“Took a cab back home. Jenny wanted to get brunch. I love you. Kevin.” Suddenly furious, Javier crumpled the paper in his hand and let out a yell of frustration and pain, tossing the offending paper into the wastebasket. He packed, head aching from clenching his jaw, and from being hungover. As he stepped toward the door, however, he paused, swallowing, looking longingly at the paper in the trash. He set his backpack down and plucked the thin paper out of the metal can. Unwadding the note, he tore the paper in half, discarding the top portion. The piece that read “I love you. Kevin.” Javier straightened meticulously before folding it very carefully and placing it in his wallet.

Looking back on the hotel room where he had spent a night regretting many of his choices, he steeled himself. He would take whatever Kevin would offer, however little that might be.

He was his partner.


End file.
